The guy that respects women is well-respected and there's nothing he won't do for you until you confess that you love him as a friend. That fever-dream word. That hallucinatory universe of "friend-zone" that sends many into a frenzy. He will immediately unravel and release shiny pincers from his face, undulating from his slimy mouth he'll retches the word "bitch". In cursive he enunciates all the things he deserves and is entitled to. The thin veneer of harmlessness has evaporated.
When you watch 16 candles for the first time at 14 you think Jake is an asshole that is playing both his girlfriend and Molly Ringwald and how dare the school jock live such an easy existence where he'll never suffer the feeling of rejection. All the while feeling sad and almost sympathetic for the geeky blonde boy Ted played by Anthony Michael Hall. But upon watching it again years down the road you're more disgusted by Ted and ultimately John Hughes for excusing date rape and making it so comedic that you almost miss how disgusting it is. Almost. That weird uncomfortable feeling you get when the popular girl wakes up hungover in a strangers' car and all the warnings of how one should never drink excessively at parties comes swarming into your brain.
Keep in mind Ted is supposed to be the good guy. He's the underdog that gets the girl because he's a weirdo in the eyes of his peers and knows that looks aren't everything so his pining doesn't stem from her looks but her thoughts. Unfortunately, this isn't the case. Once again, women are left with only two options: the guy that objectifies and mistreats while the other is a borderline rapist that overly sexualizes and only sees you as a fantasy. It's a lose lose.
The guy that respects women is cunning. It's no longer a whistle or cat-call. He'll walk up to you and innocently tell you that you'd look more pretty if you were smiling. Oh, the gentleman. It could be so virtuous that you could miss it. It's not a big deal. It's just a smile and in that moment your response might actually be to smile even though you don't want to. You could almost instantaneously feel the lip start to curl, the eye start to wrinkle and it wouldn't make you feel a thing. When I was young I was taught that if I ever found myself lost or in danger to immediately seek someone non-threatening. Usually that was a woman. That doesn't mean that women can't have bad intentions or that they can't cause damage just as bad as men can but we see women as nurturers. We raise them to be gentle and softer. They're told that they should be warm and welcoming. Wherever you go be hospitable and you smile the fuck out of your mouth whether you want to or not because it makes others feels comfortable. And it's all about the comfort of others but your own. So next time someone asks you to smile start laughing. Laugh until their sense of ease diminishes and there's nothing left on their faces but confusion and regret that they even talked to you in the first place. If you think I'm being unreasonably uptight ask yourself if you would ask a random man on the street to smile more. If you wouldn't, then there's your answer.
The guy that reveres women is an interesting prototype. He won't open the door for you anymore and he'll even let you pay the bill when you go out on a date. He'll mention that you're a work of art and that he just has to photograph you. Oh and did he mention that he's working on a portfolio? That he's a freelance photographer hoping to make it big in a sea of a thousand that thinks an abandoned staircase is the epitome of opulent artistry. His biggest achievements and quite frankly what he captures best is the female anatomy, he'll say. He has a ton of girl friends and they all undress in front of him because of how insanely comfortable he is with seeing an exposed tit. This is where it begins. The annoying and almost sociopathic diatribe he expels about the disconnection he has with the human body. That it's just a meat bag where our souls are contained he'll mention while you notice the enormous erection he has looking at all the girls he's captures thus far in black and white. He never makes it big so the skin withers and you wish you could tell yourself this. And you wish you could tell those girls that. You think you could warn others so you do.
The guy that canonizes women is the master mold. He's learned from his predecessors to agree. Do not antagonize but don't do anything either. That would be too much work. Too progressive, you see. He'll wear a feminist shirt. Women loves those, he thinks. The feminine mystique? oh definitely. It's a modern approach and it works. Until it doesn't because it never does for long. It'll start subtle. The way he'll mention it's all about body positivity. Free the nipple. How could it be any other way. Then the conversation will get more in depth. Perhaps a slip of the tongue and you're talking about the wage gap or the way that men are more prone to thinking a woman is lying rather than believing rape allegations when they should be taken seriously. How women are expected to juggle both a family and a career. Perhaps those clinics that perform abortions shouldn't be bombarded with harassment and threats. Then a pause. This is where it gets tricky because this is where the disagreement begins and it comes in the phrase "personally that thinking is a little too radical for me." It'll sting. That realization that you both aren't really comrades. There is no us and the most basic human rights are seen as extreme. However, what did you expect? Those same ideals of sexual liberation in the 70's were only viewed as acceptable to men because it meant a higher chance that someone would sleep with them and that's where the line is drawn. He doesn't really care unless there's nudity involved. The conversation becomes stifled and awkward. It ends with "don't tell me you're one of those crazy feminists that you see on YouTube compilations that want to chop your dick off?" The laughter feels like scratches on your back.
The guy that loves women will have insulting conversations with his friends. You'll never know but you could if you listened closely at a party. The facile manner in which "faggot" is thrown in between sentences and how desperately one tries to never feel emasculated in front of the others. The childish way that homophobia is hidden and shown when even the slightest benign touch is considered "gay". God forbid the showing of emotions for you will never live it down. Any show of any attributes that are even remotely seen as feminine will surely get you belittled. I often wonder how terrible it must be to be that repressed without knowing it. The way that expressing any sensitivity is a stab at your masculinity or that trying risky things in the bedroom like preferring to be spanked by your girlfriend could be a reason for those you consider friends to question your manhood. The guy that loves women will try time and time again to show everyone just how much he loves them.
The guy that respects women will cry "fuck misogynists" while throwing you in the kitchen and locking the door as he walks out.
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